Chastity: Improving the Practice, Part 2

I have been thinking about this great little idea that I read in the book “Real Sex.” Lauren Winner reflects on learning how to play the cello. She says she “understands sin formation by way of the cello.” When she began taking cello lessons she used an improper technique to hold the bow. I guess her pinky finger was holding the bow wrong. It doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, but then again I’m not a cellist. Anyway, she used this improper bow hold for 5 years and when she was finally coached to correct it, the right hold felt wrong. It took 3 years to place that pinky correctly to the bow.

I think this illustration is so profound. If practice makes perfect, improper practice makes us imperfect. What we practice as believers shapes the kind of Christians we become.

Take my prayer life for example. Sometimes I don’t feel much like praying. But I know it is important for my faith. When I don’t feel like praying, sometimes I just go to my room and stubbornly get down on my knees. I let my body start the prayer and stay on my knees until my spirit catches up. I find that if I position my body for prayer I always end up praying. This is an example of spiritual discipline. It is choosing to shape the kind of Christian I am going to be by my stubborn practices.

The reverse is also true. When I was engaged to my wife, I didn’t always feel like practicing chastity. It didn’t seem as big of a deal; now that we were engaged, it had just become a matter of timing. We never had sex, but she was so exciting to me and the idea of being married was so exciting that I often pushed our pre-established limits. My poor practice of chastity shaped our relationship. My sin taught her to be physically resistant and me to be pushy about sex. Like a poor cello hold, it took time to correct.

I guess the point is this. The way you practice chastity in singleness is directly related to the way you will practice fidelity and sexuality in marriage. The wedding is not a finish line for chastity. It is more like the marker in a triathlon, when you switch from running to cycling; the race of life is still on.

Winner’s book includes a few more examples about sin formation: pornography teaches you that real bodies aren’t good enough, masturbation teaches that sex can happen outside of a relationship, and premarital sex teaches you that sex must be thrilling. These lessons sin teaches us are like those 5 years of a misplaced pinky finger on a cello bow. Sin effects our spiritual formation and shapes the kind of Christians we will be.

The goal of Christian practice, then, is to stubbornly place our bodies, like a pinky finger, in the right position. Just like kneeling can lead me to pray, we can position ourselves appropriately for the practice of chastity. I look forward to our dialogue with Lauren Winner at this intriguing catalyst conference. Hope you will not miss the opportunity to participate.